What Is Best?

I wonder why I begin to start doing good for myself when I feel that I am in crisis mode? When I feel unwell, I begin to think about taking better care of myself. When I am working last minute on a deadline, it dawns on me that I should really be more proactive in my process. Every time an issue arises, I say, “next time I’ll do this,” or “I won’t make this same mistake again.” I realize that everyone has this problem but when the next time does come around, I find myself making the same choices that put me in the same sunken situation. There is a part of me that truly wants to cut off the bad habits and just do and be better for myself. Way easier said than done. But maybe it is easy? When I think of making changes in my mind I think of a total overhaul and makeover of myself. I don’t think that’s necessarily accurate. The reality is whatever shift I am trying to make occurs in the details.

Now that I have entered my 30s, time seems a lot more precious to me. Seizing moments and opportunities right now instead of daydreaming about “one day.” But also making the changes I want to see right here and now. I often picture this new and improved Aida who is always on top of her game but how realistic is that? There will be ebbs and flows but what makes more sense is that even in moments that I’m not at my best, I still make the decisions that are better for me. I want to make a commitment to myself that I’ll always do what’s best for me. That way, as each moment comes, I can make the choices that best fit the situation. Breaking it down to smaller chunks of reality, instead of living in the future, is a lot more tangible.