Time. To. Rest.

How do you determine when you need a moment to stop and breathe? Ever since I graduated from high school, it became apparent to me that I am now the person who firmly decides what I do with my time. Actually, after I graduated college. That’s when I felt the sole weight of being my timekeeper. There was no one around telling me I’m going to be late for the next thing on my list or suggesting I should take a break from writing that paper. Teachers in grade school were like our assistants. I don’t say that to belittle their impact on us, I mean that to amplify just how important they were to not only our educational development but our relationship with time. They told us when to work and when to take a break. They pushed us when we wanted to give up on a task at hand. And speaking for myself, I am much better for it. I am so grateful that I was surrounded by a community who saw more in me than I ever did. However, now, as an adult I’ve become so critical of what I should be doing at all times of the day. When I’m resting, I tell myself I should be working, when I’m working, I remind myself to take a break but then feel guilty when too much time is taken. Where’s the balance?

I think we’ve become fixated with time as it relates to productivity. What are we producing every day? Could we increase our efficiency? Are we being productive in all facets of our lives? More recently, have we started talking about balancing our lives in a more holistic way. Companies have appointed chief wellness officers whose jobs are to focus on enhancing the well-being of their employees. But the question that I still find myself asking is, “when do I give myself permission to rest?” I am still production oriented where I feel that I need to earn my rest rather than presently checking in to see if I need rest or not. It’s a journey of unlearning and learning anew. If I can stop measuring time with productivity, then I can begin to develop a new relationship and measure time with being.